Getting Past a Toxic Relationship

First of all, if you are drawn to this section, you may be in enormous emotional pain. You may have read all of the books above, but none work for you. All the relationship self help books in the world will not help your relationship if your partner willfully hurts you or uses coercion and control in every aspect of conflict. Please take a moment to consider one positive thing you can do for yourself today, apart from the heartache and pain. Besides arming yourself with for your own personal growth, consider the importance of self care, and if you find that you just cannot manage, reach out to a support group or therapist or virtual workshop to create a new beginning. Good online forums and resources include:

Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare
by: Shahida Arabi

If you are getting in touch with the realization that your partner may have a personality disorder, there is a lot you may need to learn about yourself. Heal your "narcissistic abuse," rather than hope your partner will behave differently. And protect yourself from the drama.

Codependent No More & Beyond Codependency
by: Melody Beattie

In Newsweek magazine, Dr. Drew Pinsky named Melody Beattie's Codependent No More one of the four essential self-help books available today, calling it the "grand-daddy of addiction tomes." 

Breaking Up With a Narcissist: The Little Book of No Contact
by: Zari Ballard

This author helps readers understand that sometimes a very good boundary--no contact--is our only healthy option. This very hard step becomes easier with a book like this one

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships
by: Patrick Carnes

Situations of extreme emotional intensity, even negative intensity, are very hard to disengage from.  What are the factors that make this so? Learn about this from Patrick Carnes, a psychologist trained in the field of addiction therapy and founder of cutting edge recovery programs.

Stop Walking on Eggshells
by: Paul Mason & Randi Kreger

These authors describe the behaviors of a Borderline Personality Disordered person, and why it is that engaging with someone with this diagnosis can feel so frustrating and disempowering. Make sense of the chaos and learn to diffuse the situations that used to come back to you in such a negative way.

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
by: Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD and Randi Kreger

Written by an attorney, mediator and clinical social worker (Eddy) and the co-author of Stop Walking on Eggshells (Kreger), this book is wonderful advice in stereo. In one book we have both legal and emotional guidance to handle your former partner’s willingness to lie, manipulate the system, and make attacks in the midst of your having to leave the dynamic.

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?:
Healing The Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

by: Karyl McBride

In this book, Dr. McBride shares her clinical insights for daughters of narcissistic mothers from her own deeply painful personal experience. Both the daughter of a narcissistic mother and a psychotherapist, Dr. McBride's book and website resources have been the first step of a healing journey for thousands.